Life

         Spring break comes to an end....It came and went without stopping to say hello. When I was in high school, I desperately wanted to be in college. I was ready to move out of my parent's house and to start my life. I thought, "life will be more fun in college". And life is fun, I got to George Fox and met tons of amazing people, who for some reason, wanted to be friends with me too. I have been blessed by the people that I have met and become friends with. But college also brought heartache and seasons of sadness; something that I didn't make room for when I was moving in to my Macy 1 room in September 2010. I was just excited about meeting this Maddi Mularski who I was about to spend a year living with (and had no idea we would be roommates for the next three years).  Life is harder than I had anticipated, though. High school had it's own set of challenges, but looking back, I can't imagine why I thought it was so hard and why I was so ready to move on. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't go back. But, in the grand scheme of things, high school is easy. College is more difficult. I remember my mom saying something, to that effect, to me one afternoon. Becoming a responsible adult is harder than I was aware it would be. And, while I do not want to be in college longer than I have to be, what's next? Life is only going to get more busy and chaotic. Hard times are constantly going to be around the corner. And, honestly, I am afraid. Not terrified, per say, but afraid. My life isn't going to be this easy graduate - get married - have kids - retire - life. I had always imagined that my life would follow my parent's pattern, so-to-speak. But at that rate, I should be pregnant right now and that's definitely not an option for multiple reasons, one of which is that I am afraid of that too. As someone who knows that God is in control and that there is a plan, why is fear such a prominent part of my life right now? Is it because graduation is one year away and I have no idea what I am going to do with my life? I would bet that is part of it. College is hard, but I have a hunch that this in only a taste of what life is going to throw at me. Insurance, mortgage/rent, cell phone bill, water bill, heating bill, LOANS, the list goes on. I am gonna have to deal with all that. Talk about overwhelming. College is just a stepping stone to get to post-college life. But, sheesh, can I just camp out here for a few years...except, I am ready to be done with school. I just need a pause button. I have always been a "future-looker", but when I get to married-children life, will I be looking to retirement? I hope not. I hope that I can learn the art of being content. Fear is hard to let go of, but I do know that God is holding my hand. So, maybe it's my humanity and sinfulness that still wants to fear the unknown, when I fully understand I am being loved and cared for. I just am asking for peace of mind that I am where I am supposed to be and that my future will glorify God and that I will be content and happy. The only way to look is up.


Philippians 4: 6,7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus (NKJV)